From the recording A Deal With God
"Anytime i thought about it every now and then, it made me angry all over again. No matter how long its actually been, ill question my motives through the time i spend. I hated you and didnt know what to do, should I keep going or will this be through? I will never forget what you did to me. After the arguement got so bad, the next time i saw you i knew you were mad, how could that be possible if you didnt really care? There's something you tried to keep a secret but i still found out eventually. I was already mad, and it only got worse. Cause when I saw you with him i knew you lied to me, telling me you didnt have a man when you really did. And lying to me even more cause you're mad. Saying you never liked me but you did. If you didnt, then you wouldnt have stared at me out of the corner of your eye thinking that i didnt notice. Cause when i turned my head your way, you looked the other way real quick just so i wouldnt catch you looking at me. You wouldnt have did that if you didnt feel something towards me deep down cause you knew i wanted to give you the same thing he's giving you. So dont sit there and pretend like you didnt like it just because we're mad at eachother because you know you did. You wouldnt have held on to me as long as you did if you didnt. I'm not going to talk to a woman who already has someone, but you didnt have to do me like that. Now its too late to compromise, and now you're treated like an enemy because of what you did instead of telling me the truth from the very beginning. Yes i'm talking to you, Odalis Garcia. If i didnt want a wife, if i didnt want someone to love, then i wouldnt have came to you in the first place. And even though its been so long ago now, yes i am still angry. And if you told me to stop, then im going to tell you the same thing you told me when i wanted you to stop. I can, i just choose not to. Do you remember when you said that to me? Cause i know i do. You just left me that way, dazed and confused with no answers. Leaving me in the dark and forcing me to just cope with the fact that you just didnt want to talk to me anymore and i didnt know why. I just really wanted you to stop treating me like that, thats why i got angry. But you wanted to stay acting like you dont care. You wanted to stay acting rude just because i simply got mad. No one likes admitting that they're hurt, not even me. That's why ill say it for you that i wasnt the only one that was in pain, cause when i finally started acting like i don't like you anymore, the way i act now, that did get to you whether you want to admit it in front of people or not. But its ok, cause im not expecting you to tell the truth because of how hateful i sound towards you now, but id rather our relationship stay the way it is now, us not liking eachother, and me acting this way to you instead, since its causing you to finally start taking me seriously and stop playing with me like how you were before, cause thats what i wanted you to stop doing whether you already had a boyfriend or not. Ghosting me instead before i saw you with him. Is this the side of me that you wanted to see? Be careful what you wish for because yes i will let you know about the way you're acting. Thats why i dont like that person or dont like you anymore. Yes there is only one woman who finally brought out the worst in me, someone who i dont want to see anymore even now. Angry to the point where i didnt want to be comforted. I didnt want people to tell me its ok cause i wanted to stay mad and stay acting this way to her regardless of what anybody would have said including her, and i never got like that again. Everybody wants happiness right? that still means that there are certain people that you are going to have to treat like they don't matter then just because of the way they act, or it would have stayed sounding sad if i just kept dwelling on her only when there are so many other women in this world. And abigail, i wanted you to know that i missed you alot, and ever since i came to see you behind those bars, i was waiting on you ever since. We never got to talk as much as i'd like, and i wasnt even able to see you when i came. I thought about you alot, but its hard putting myself out there on the spot , so i couldnt sit here and wait on you forever no matter how much i wanted to. Cause I didnt know how you feel about me, thats why i had to leave you. Anytime i try talking to them i wish i never did. How can they tell if im loyal or not if they arent even bothering to give me a chance? But will run to the boys that'll make them single mothers instead. How many times did i have to treat them bad just to get their attention? Hurting them out of revenge just to get their affection? I only stayed with just one woman, but people wont pay attention unless something is wrong. They'll overshadow the good and shine light on the bad. What i say goes in one ear and out the other, yea so now im going to do whats best for me, not talking to them anymore. Nobody likes being treated like a nobody. You dont mean anything to them. So it was hard holding in the pain. If they really want to please me, if they really want to satisfy me, if she really wants to make me feel good, then stay with me. Most of my friends who are men are still from the same race you are, and those boys are not even acting like them, cause those boys will still talk to any woman as long as she still looks real good and her bottom is still real big, and latin women arent the only women here who are real fine and real thick. Yes I've seen both of you from behind, you and her, and you are the one that actually does have the bigger rear end. I couldn't take it anymore, now its hard to trust people. Its going to be hard to tell if she really likes me or not, im not going to believe. They like those boys from the very beginning without knowing who they are, but why do i always have to go through some mess with them first before they actually start liking me? I use to act just like them, real picky about who i wanted. But at least i wasnt doing what i was doing just to hurt people on purpose. I still cared about how everyone else felt, thats why i kept it to myself. But i remember passing some real attractive women just because these girls are the ones that i really wanted: Mexicans, Puerto Ricans, Cubans, Columbians, Brazilians, Italians, Dominicans, Venezuelans, spanish women. And i tried real hard not to make it seem like it's everyone's fault but i couldnt stay positive, and Abigail. i didnt know where you were, cause i had no problem waiting on you, but no one said anything to me, not even your father. I just hoped that you came back to me soon whenever you got out so that i could see you again. But what do they think of me? Its best not to think about it but they can still come to me, cause i felt pressured into being something im not going to be. So i crawled back into my shell, cause this love is not doing so well. I just dont know what to do now, only time will tell what will really happen, cause time heals all wounds. But there's one thing i felt for sure, this will never happen to me again because im better than this. But she's still going to have to except me for me just like im doing with her. Cause everyone isnt going to want you foreal regardless of how good you look. Don't act the way you act if you cant handle the persecution of it, cause if they didn't want this to sound bad, then they shouldnt have did me the way they did. They shouldnt have did me the way they did."